The Agony and the Ecstasy: Confidence and Motivation in Painting

Whoever came up with these two words to describe the Art process, I think it was Michelangelo after he painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, knew a thing

or two about the creative struggle. I believe it is a constant swing between the two. When I first started to paint, some 40 years ago, I suffered my way through a painting. When things were going well, just sailing along ….it was all just ‘peaches and cream’. I’d feel amazing, full to the brim with happiness and contentment, proud of what I was doing, it was all just ‘working’. I would start to become almost euphoric, I’d hum under my breath, or maybe I’d turn the music up extra loud and sing along…. Then, from out of nowhere, something would start to feel wrong, I’d put the brush down and stand back, I’d look at what I'd done, I could now see the whole thing, not just the section I’d been working on, and in a second, I’m destroyed …..I’d tell myself it looks like shit! I could see so much wrong with it.

Suddenly, I’m out of the Ecstasy and plunging headfirst into the Agony!

The wonderful fulfilling pleasure I’d felt, disappears, to be replace by negative thoughts, and old learned criticisms. I’d start to pull myself apart at the seams.

How did I ever think I was good enough to tackle this subject, how did I ever think I knew what I was doing, how did I ever think this was coming along well…. when

it’s absolute RUBBISH!! Sadly this ‘Agony’ stage might go on until I’d admit that I can’t do it and I’d walk away, tears would sometimes be shed. But as time went by, and I started to grow as an artist, I’d pull myself together, I’d have a good talk to myself, telling myself that it’s ok, you can fix this…I’d say….just paint your way out of this hole! Change your attitude, paint like you don't care, get out of your head! I’d then sit and look at the work, I’d study it, I’d see what is working and what is not.

Looking for a positive approach. I’d wrestle with my self-beliefs. This was in the beginning, or to be more exact, this would happen for the first 10 or so years of teaching myself to paint.

Ohhh …the Agony and The Ecstasy!

Eventually, I worked out a strategy, a process, if you will, to overcome these emotional highs and lows.

I learnt not to care! Not to care at all, about how it was going, where it was going, I learnt to just give myself over to the process. It’s called, I think, confidence. I learnt to be confident in myself, and I learnt to just keep going, keep painting, but most of all I learnt to have FUN! I learnt to have no expectations. At some stage in this massive learning process, I just let go, let go of the need to control, to know where I’m going, to just go with the flow. I realised that we painters continually sabotage our ‘natural’ creative flow……in fact we let our brains tell us what's what.

Our brains are not where creativity comes from. Our brains are so used to being in charge, like your brain will tell you that trees can’t be purple! Who in their right mind would make a purple tree…this is your brain…’trying to make things right’…normal. We have to learn to recognise brain thinking when we are creating.

We must then allow our creative self to come through. it doesn't happen overnight, but it will happen, you will, bit by bit, understand instantly and recognise this brain interference. You eventually realise that the very first idea you have to solve a painting problem (all painting is just continual problem solving) that first idea is your innate creativity working, it’s telling you the next step, you

just have to learn to listen.

That's the secret right there, the way to solve the emotional roller coaster and to put the Agony and the Ecstasy to bed…finally.

Happy Creating!!!